Surprised already, aren't you?

Well, of course you are. Those who don't know Co-Co-Columbia may not realize that this lovely little southern berg is actually oooozing in arts. We have several theatre groups (note how I spelled "theater" as" theatre" -- being the passionate little sophisticate that I am); a big orchestra, a small orchestra, a university orchestra and even a lake orchestra (ha! thought I'd forget about Lake Murray, did you not?); and then there are our ballet companies ... Oh my, yes there are ... We have the traditional civic company, with the wise and lovely John Whitehead at the helm. Each year residents of Co-Co-Columbia eagerly await the placement of a giant nutcracker (a scary thought in itself, for young and fragile things like me and mine) outside our beloved Township Theater (sorry, can't spell this spot in the European fashion -- just wouldn't suit - though it has hosted some glorious acts in its day ... Dylan and Wrestle-mania, for example) indicating that Mr. Whitehead and his lovely band of beautiful children will soon grace the stage with a traditional rendition of The Nutcracker that brings tears of joy and pride to many a mama's eye. Then we have Co-Co-Columbia City Ballet held erect (oh my!) by the equally lovely and evidently ageless (a-hem) William I'm-a-Starrett. Billy Boy has sunk his heart and soul (see Stephen Vincent Benet), as well as some portion of his facial tissue, into the love and care of this company. He has good years -- and he has bad years -- but somehow, though always teetering on the edge of disaster, (who am I kidding? think you I should say "sometimes swimming in the sea of disaster?" -- but wrong you are, I should not, for I am kind and gentle, gentle and kind, remember thee?), the uncrease-able William always manages to keep his boat afloat. And finally, last and usually not least, is Co-Co-Columbia Classical Ballet under the direction of our resident Serb, Radenko Pavlovich. Say it again, "Phaaav-loh-vheeech." Once more and this time breathy with some phlegm in your mouth that makes a little growly sound on the "Phaaav" part. That's right, "Phaaav-loh-vheech ..." Fun, huh? If the Co-Co-Columbia ballet war could be won on a name alone, Master Phaaavlohvheech would surely win every time. Alas, as he well knows (as does everyone else who knows anything at all about ballet) it takes a lot more than talent, vision and a hotsy eastern European name to make a ballet company succeed. Can somebody say, "Ca-Ching?" That's right, you gotta have bucks -- you gotta have bucks (this, by the way should be sung to the tune of "you gotta have heart" -- but heart won't get you squat when it comes to the arts in Co-Co-Columbia .... it's sad, I know ... Reality just sucks sometimes. If you don't believe me, ask the owners of all the galleries that have opened and closed on the same day around here. It can be a dirty business, art can-- see Art Spiegelman.) But talk of galleries and shows and buttons and bows will have to wait on another edition of "On Columbia! Left to the aRts!" Coming up shortly on this public space ... until then I remain your kind and gentle, gentle and kind, Fiona I. Wanna -- gentleman at large.